Navigating Differing Sexual Orientations in a  Relationship

An individual’s sexual orientation is a significant piece of their personal identity and relational experience, defining their emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to partners. Understanding your partner(s) sexual orientation is a crucial part of understanding who they are and how to honor their identity within your relationship. At Denver Couples & Sex Therapy, our team integrates LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy and relationship therapy to ensure our clients’ individual identities are appreciated and respected in the work we do. 

Understanding Sexual Orientation 

Personal identity is ever-evolving and inclusive of many aspects of oneself. One significant piece of this puzzle is how individuals experience themselves sexually, romantically, and emotionally. Historically, sexual orientation has been defined by what gender an individual is sexually attracted to in relation to their own gender. 

However, our understanding of sexual orientation has continued to grow and expand. Different aspects of attraction, such as romantic attraction, emotional attraction, and sexual attraction, can now be differentiated and understood. This has given room for individuals who are asexual, demisexual, aromantic, and so much more. With more gender diversity, we are also not limited to labels based on binary genders; rather, individuals can define themselves more expansively with labels such as pansexual, polysexual, and androsexual. To learn more about different sexual orientations, visit our blog post, Understanding Different Sexual Orientations. 

Why Sexual Orientation Matters within Your Relationship

Considering how many aspects of a relationship an individual’s sexual orientation impacts, understanding your partner’s experience of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction feels essential. How your partner experiences their sexuality may affect how they are sexually aroused by you. Likewise, their emotional attraction may shed light on what circumstances foster the most connection with them or how they like receiving initiation for intimacy. Every individual has a unique template within a relationship, and understanding your partner’s blueprint can significantly increase your relationship satisfaction. 

How Sexual Orientation Can Evolve within a Relationship

While sexual orientation is not a choice, it can evolve over time — just as any other part of a person’s identity may do so. As people continue to grow and understand themselves more fully and authentically, their understanding of themselves may significantly change. This can significantly impact their sexual orientation and how they experience themselves within a relationship. If this evolution happens while in a relationship with another, it can be an incredibly beautiful and wonderful shift. However, as with any change, it can also create obstacles, challenges, and difficulties within a relationship. Learning how to create an understanding of your partner’s experience is an incredibly important step in being equipped to navigate these changes. 

Challenges Faced by Couples with Different Orientations

When one partner’s sexual orientation evolves within a relationship, it may result in partners identifying with different orientations. This may look like one partner being heterosexual and the other pansexual, one partner becoming asexual while the other remains sexual, or one partner identifying their demisexuality and the need for emotional connection with sex. These differences can create challenges in navigating how to relate and care for each other while also remaining true to oneself.

Emotional and Internal Struggles in Relationships

Whenever a difference or discrepancy is experienced in a relationship, it can be difficult to create understanding and know how to effectively collaborate. However, these moments can be made even more difficult when sensitive emotions are involved. Differences in sexual orientation can create feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and hurt. 

While it is incredibly understandable to feel these things, it is crucial for partners not to personalize what their partner shares. Our personal identities have nothing to do with others. It’s actually in the name — our identity, including our sexual orientation, is completely personal. If you are able to hold this truth while learning about your partner’s sexual orientation, you will be able to separate their identity from anything that has to do with you. 

Navigating Social Stigma and Discrimination

However, internal struggles are not the only obstacles mixed-orientation couples may face. Many relationships, especially those that do not fit a cis and heteronormative narrative, will encounter social stigma and discrimination. Others may not understand your relationship dynamic. They may judge its compatibility or even deem it as wrong or impossible. While this ignorance and lack of understanding is not your relationship’s responsibility, it can significantly impact the experience you have in the world. However, by creating a deep, secure understanding within your relationship, you have the power to face these obstacles united as partners. 

Strengthening Your Relationship Through Understanding

Creating understanding, however, can be difficult, and many of us were not equipped with the skills to navigate this exploration with our partner(s). Relationship therapy can be an incredibly helpful tool to support you in this process, but there are also many things you can try to work on and improve at home!

Effective Communication Strategies for Couples

Effective communication allows people to gain an understanding of another’s experience. To be an effective communicator, especially in an emotionally sensitive conversation, you must be able to differentiate between yourself and your partner. While your partner is sharing, remember that what they are saying is not about you. It is about them. Ask open-ended questions, self-soothe your emotional reactivity, and lead with curiosity, not defensiveness, advice, or direction, so that your partner has the opportunity to share their inner world with you. 

Supporting Your Partner in Their Journey

Try to suspend your feelings about what your partner is sharing with you. Avoid problem-solving or fixing and just give space. The best gift you can give your partner is a container in which they can openly and honestly share, express themselves, and be seen and accepted. 

Practice love by extending kindness, care, and support. It is only once you have a deep, extensive understanding of what your partner is trying to share that you will have an actual opportunity to collaborate and decide how to move forward. 

Promoting Acceptance and Tolerance in Relationships 

Understand that relationships require sacrifice. No partner is going to be able to satisfy all of your needs or longings. While it is important to maintain your authenticity and uphold personal boundaries, we also must practice acceptance and tolerance in relationships. 

When it comes to partners, we don’t get to have our cake and eat it too. Receiving the gift of another’s partnership and love requires us to accept all of them and build a tolerance for what is disappointing, not enough, or not ideal. 

Embracing Diversity for Stronger Relationships

An individual’s sexual orientation is a major part of their personal experience and deserves to be understood, respected, and cared for within a relationship. By learning how to get curious and create understanding, partners have the opportunity to further their connection, closeness, and satisfaction in their relationship. If you are struggling with this process, reach out to our team today for support.