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Maintaining Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships: Tips from a Sex Therapist

Intimacy plays an undeniable role in cultivating a happy, healthy relationship. It’s not just about the physical aspect—intimacy extends to emotional closeness and understanding, too. However, in long-term relationships, keeping that intimacy alive can sometimes be a challenge. Let’s dive in to explore this subject further and learn some valuable tips from a sex therapist.

Understanding Intimacy

The Basics of Intimacy

At its core, intimacy is a deep and profound connection between two individuals. It’s a sense of familiarity and closeness that comes from sharing experiences, emotions, and vulnerabilities. When we talk about intimacy, we often think of romantic relationships, but it can also exist in friendships, familial relationships, and even between a pet and its owner.

Intimacy is multifaceted and includes various aspects such as emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, experiential intimacy, and sexual or physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy involves opening up about feelings and emotions, while intellectual intimacy is about sharing thoughts, ideas, and engaging in deep conversations. Experiential intimacy is about bonding over shared experiences or activities, and sexual intimacy pertains to the physical closeness shared between partners.

It’s important to understand that intimacy isn’t static; it evolves and grows over time. It’s like a garden that needs constant care and attention. Without it, the connection may wither. But with consistent effort, intimacy can flourish, leading to a deep, fulfilling relationship.

The Role of Intimacy in a Relationship

In a relationship, intimacy serves as the backbone, the pillar that holds everything together. It fosters a safe space where partners can express themselves without fear of judgment, allowing for deeper understanding and acceptance.

When a relationship has a healthy level of intimacy, partners feel secure and loved. They feel comfortable being their authentic selves, which helps cultivate a sense of belonging and validation. This profound connection enhances mutual respect and appreciation, leading to a more harmonious relationship.

However, building and maintaining intimacy requires effort from both parties. It involves being open, honest, and vulnerable, which can sometimes be challenging. Regular communication, spending quality time together, showing empathy, and being understanding towards each other are all crucial in nurturing this intimacy.

Moreover, intimacy is closely tied to trust. When partners trust each other, they feel more comfortable opening up and being vulnerable, further deepening the intimacy between them. Conversely, when trust is broken, it can severely damage the intimacy in a relationship.

In summary, understanding intimacy is essential for the health and longevity of any relationship. It’s the bridge that connects two individuals, fostering mutual understanding, love, and respect. So remember, nurturing intimacy is a lifelong process that requires continuous effort and care, much like tending to a precious garden. It might take time and patience, but the end result is a deep, fulfilling connection that’s truly rewarding.

Challenges in Maintaining Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

The Evolution of Relationships

Relationships, like the people in them, are not static. They evolve over time, shaped by experiences, personal growth, and life circumstances. As couples navigate through different stages of life, they often encounter changes that can affect their relationship. For instance, career shifts, the arrival of children, aging, health issues, or simply the passage of time can alter dynamics in a relationship.

These changes are a natural part of life, but they can sometimes introduce stress and lead to shifts in priorities, which may affect the level of intimacy in the relationship. For example, the demands of raising children or building a career can leave little time for couples to connect on an intimate level. These circumstances can create distance between partners, causing them to drift apart emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.

Common Barriers to Intimacy

Barriers to intimacy are not uncommon in long-term relationships. They can stem from various sources, both internal and external.

  1. Communication Breakdown: One of the most common barriers to intimacy is poor or inadequate communication. When partners fail to express their feelings, needs, or concerns effectively, it can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a feeling of disconnection.
  2. Unresolved Conflicts: Every relationship experiences conflict, but when disagreements are not addressed or resolved, they can build up resentment and create a significant barrier to intimacy. Unresolved conflicts can make partners feel unsafe or uncomfortable, hindering the free flow of emotions and affection.
  3. Lack of Time: In today’s fast-paced world, finding quality time to spend with your partner can be a challenge. When couples are constantly occupied with work, chores, or other responsibilities, it can take a toll on their intimate connection.
  4. Physical Health Issues: Health problems, aging, or changes in physical attractiveness can impact the level of physical intimacy in a relationship. These issues can affect a person’s self-esteem and comfort level with physical closeness.
  5. Mental Health Issues: Stress, depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues can also act as barriers to intimacy. They can affect a person’s ability to connect emotionally and physically with their partner.
  6. Past Traumas: Past experiences, traumas, or painful relationships can influence a person’s ability to form and maintain intimate connections. These experiences might make it difficult for them to open up and trust their partner fully.

Despite these challenges, remember that they are not insurmountable. By recognizing these barriers and working through them together, couples can find ways to maintain and even enhance intimacy in their long-term relationships. After all, overcoming obstacles together can often lead to an even deeper level of understanding and connection.

Tips for Maintaining Intimacy

Communication as Key

Perhaps one of the most critical elements in maintaining intimacy in any relationship is open and honest communication. This entails expressing your feelings, needs, desires, and concerns in a clear and respectful manner. Being able to communicate effectively can foster mutual understanding, which is a bedrock of intimacy. However, remember that communication is not just about talking—it also involves listening. Actively listening to your partner and showing empathy can create a safe and supportive environment where intimacy can thrive.

The Importance of Quality Time

Spending quality time together is another crucial factor in maintaining intimacy. Quality time doesn’t necessarily mean spending every waking moment together. Instead, it refers to the meaningful and shared experiences that can bring you closer to your partner. This can be anything from having a quiet dinner at home, taking a walk together, watching a favorite show, or even running errands together. What’s important is that you’re fully present and engaged in the moment, providing each other with undivided attention. These shared moments can build memories and foster a deeper connection.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Physical intimacy, including a fulfilling sex life, is a crucial aspect of a romantic relationship. While it’s natural for desire to ebb and flow over time, maintaining a vibrant sex life is key to preserving intimacy in long-term relationships. This could mean exploring new things in the bedroom, being spontaneous, or simply making the time for physical affection—like holding hands, cuddling, or sharing a goodnight kiss. Keeping the physical spark alive can help strengthen the emotional bond as well.

Emotional Bonding and Connection

Cultivating emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy. This involves sharing your thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes with your partner. It’s about being vulnerable and letting your partner see the real you. By sharing these deep emotions, you create opportunities for emotional bonding, which can deepen the intimacy in your relationship. This can be achieved through deep conversations, sharing dreams and goals, or simply expressing love and appreciation.

In essence, maintaining intimacy in a relationship involves effort, time, and patience. It involves keeping the lines of communication open, spending quality time together, keeping the physical spark alive, and fostering emotional connections. Remember, intimacy is not just about being close to someone—it’s about feeling understood, valued, and loved. With these tips in mind, you can maintain and even enhance the intimacy in your long-term relationships.

Role of a Sex Therapist in Enhancing Intimacy

What is a Sex Therapist?

A sex therapist is a professional who specializes in addressing sexual health issues, including sexual dysfunctions, sex-related mental health conditions, and other concerns related to sexuality and intimacy. They are trained to help individuals and couples explore, understand, and overcome challenges that affect their sexual health and intimate relationships.

How a Sex Therapist Can Enhance Intimacy

  1. Addressing Sexual Issues: Sexual problems can affect the intimacy in a relationship. Issues such as low sexual desire, sexual pain disorders, premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction can cause distress and create tension in a relationship. A sex therapist can help individuals and couples understand and address these concerns, fostering a healthier sexual relationship and, in turn, enhancing intimacy.
  2. Improving Communication: A significant part of sex therapy involves facilitating better communication between partners. A sex therapist can guide couples in expressing their needs, desires, and concerns about their sexual relationship in a non-judgmental and supportive setting. This improved communication can lead to increased understanding and a deeper intimate connection.
  3. Enhancing Sexual Knowledge: Sometimes, a lack of sexual knowledge or unaddressed misconceptions can affect intimacy. A sex therapist can provide comprehensive sexual education, helping individuals and couples understand their bodies, sexual responses, and healthy sexual practices. This knowledge can enhance sexual satisfaction and intimacy.
  4. Addressing Emotional Concerns: Emotional issues can significantly impact sexual health and intimacy. A sex therapist can help clients explore and address underlying emotional issues, such as past trauma, anxiety, or relationship concerns, that may be affecting their sexual relationship.
  5. Rekindling Desire: Over time, sexual desire might dwindle in a long-term relationship, affecting intimacy. A sex therapist can provide strategies and exercises, such as sensate focus exercises, to help rekindle desire and enhance sexual and emotional intimacy.

In summary, a sex therapist plays a vital role in enhancing intimacy by addressing sexual and emotional concerns, improving communication, enhancing sexual knowledge, and helping rekindle desire. Their goal is to help individuals and couples build a satisfying sexual relationship that can foster a deep, intimate connection. Remember, seeking help from a sex therapist is not a sign of failure, but rather a step towards a healthier, more fulfilling intimate relationship.


Maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship is a dynamic, ongoing process. It can be challenging, but with open communication, quality time, a vibrant sex life, and emotional bonding, it’s entirely possible. And remember, you don’t have to navigate these waters alone. A sex therapist can be an invaluable resource on this journey.


What is intimacy in a relationship?

Intimacy is about emotional closeness, trust, understanding, and mutual respect in a relationship, alongside the physical connection.

Why do relationships lose intimacy?

Several factors can lead to loss of intimacy, such as stress, lack of time, health issues, or unresolved conflicts.

How can communication enhance intimacy?

Open and honest communication allows partners to express their feelings and needs, promoting understanding and closeness.

How does spending quality time help in maintaining intimacy?

Quality time allows partners to engage in shared activities, creating opportunities for bonding and deepening the emotional connection.

How can a sex therapist help improve intimacy?

A sex therapist can guide couples through communication barriers, provide suggestions for revitalizing the sex life, and help rediscover intimacy in the relationship.

Angelica Jackson a therapist at Denver Couples and Sex Therapy

I’m Angelica Jackson, From Denver Couples & Sex Therapy PLLC. I graduated with a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate also involved at the local and national level of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. I have dedicated myself to building a practice committed to providing extraordinary, expert client care.